The Emotional Accountant needs to keep the Books Balanced

Have you ever felt like your life gets out of balance? That you feel sad when you should be grateful? Or happy on a day that the rain is falling? I'm blaming my emotional accountant.

For instance, today I'm feeling so alone in this life of mine. I'm rational enough to know I'm not the only person in the world to feel alone....but yet I sit and stare out the window and ache in my loneliness. The corner where I watch the world pass me by....with people laughing and singing and dancing and being happy. The corner where I wonder why I don't feel that.

My emotional accountant is not telling me anything is out of balance so I continue sitting in my corner.

I get up from the corner of the window and move to a new corner - of the couch. I flip on the TV and become part of the fantasies that they lay out in front of me.

The teenage passionate love in Twilight - where the aching heart pines for her soul mate and nothing can console her except for a kiss from her true love.

A dinner table scene with a couple in their 60's surrounded by their 4 grown kids....will I have that? Is it a simple moment we cling to like a family dinner?

How many of those 'moments' make up happiness. For even in the TV show the dinner ended with the father in financial ruin and having an affair on his wife of 40 years. That 'moment' didn't seem to last there.

Is there a ratio of happy:sad that tips the balance? Is it 50:50 the best we can hope for? Or is the strength of those moments that make up the balance of happiness?

1 laugh = 3 smiles = 2 groans = 1 tear?

How do we keep the books on this balance? Do we have an emotional accountant that has the debits and credits lined up? Do we have quarterly review that states "Q1 was a happy quarter" or "The cash flow of happiness is drying up this quarter"?

I think my emotional accountant is telling me that I've been forgetting to keep the books....so he can't tell me which way it is....and telling me I should know. It is my life after all.

So I continue to look outside the window, feeling the warm rays of light hit my face, with the direction of the light entering my eyes so strongly that I feel my eyes water with a tear. Or is that tear one of sadness from the loneliness I feel?

Darn that accountant not keeping the internal balance right.