Happy New Year

Well Jan 1st 2010 arrived and the 1st decade of the new century is complete.
It made me think what had I been doing for the 1999 new year celebration?

I was in London at the waterfront standing on a bridge drinking with my hubby and his brother. There was a large fireworks display in the sky and there were Millions of people at every corner of the street.
No one knew what might happen on 1/1/00. Some thought Y2K was going to make it all stop working. I was in my first job for 3 months so had not really fully understood all the technology that business was reliant on. My computer had a person come and look at it for 1 hour and he "readied" it for the new century.
We "tested" our clicks and tvs at home to make sure they could have the new date and that when it flipped over it still worked. Feels a little crazy to say this - but it was something people talked about.

What will the next 10 years bring???
- computers that can run from an earpiece - sensing your voice for commands and brainwaves for commands

- Obama will make it as president for most of the next 10 years. There will be a "shock" scandal that will come along ...

- music and books available on phone - soon to have full movies - and battery power that lasts for 24 hours

- the new clothes trend will be retro 80s with legging and warmers

- personalized medicine (both drugs and doctors) will be more mainstream in this decade

I'm going to continue on my quest for happiness and self-esteem and perhaps the usual weight loss regime for a 10 pound loss!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


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Christmas comes but once a year...but memories last forever

It's Christmas eve and as I sit in bed surveying the world around me, I have an overwhelming feeling of sadness.

On this day, 30 years ago, my mother was living in a foreign country, with two babies, and an overwhelming case of depression. She chose on this day to pick up her purse off the nigtstand and walk out the door, leaving her babies crying in their cots.

She headed to a liqueur store and bought a bottle of vodka. Then she drove along the road and looked out for the first motel that she could find. Pulling up, parking the car, registering for one night only....she knew what she was going to do.

She walked from the check-in desk to the motel room. She breathed in the last but of her surroundings...the darkness of the night, the freshness of the cool air, the colors of the Christmas lights....and walked into the room that would become her coffin.

I wonder what the last thoughts she had were as she drank from the bottle of vodka and washed down the pills...

Did she think about the morning after? Who would find her? What would happen to those two baby girls crying for their mother's milk?

Knowing what depression makes you feel, I have to think not. That instead she only felt sadness. A pain of such heaviness that she could only feel a heavy heart, the loneliness that no-one understood her, that things could never change, that others were better off without her.

I put this story in the back of my mind most o the time, but every year at Christmas it comes back to me, especially as I grow older myself, and have felt those same feelings that she must have felt. I wanted to do the same thing she did, but I didn't.

I chose life.

Nice to get away for a vacation in the sun

snuck in a little get away in Cabo for Thanksgiving. restful and peaceful and did NO technology for 1 week. quite nice to not be checking the phones, computers, emails, etc... for a whole week.

I might just have to repeat this again.

Being recognized us important

We all need to be recognized for the value we bring. Are we a good wife? A good boss? A good employee?

A simple thank you. A nice dinner. A bunch of flowers. An email. A card.

I try and make the time to recognize those around me. Get lost from time to time - and need it to come to me as well.

In a peaceful mood... Maybe it's because I'm going on vacation!?



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Pep talk

I need a pep talk....focus on my strengths and successes

When I walk into a room, people light up and they smile
That is because of me. Who I am. What I do. For them and for the team.

I am really smart. I think fast and can digest complex situations on minutes. I can juggle 20 things at once and do them all kick ass!

I try and try no matter how hard it gets. I'm sitting here crying at what a failure I think I am - because o can't get a whole organization to just 'get it' and yet in my tears I am thinking of 5 new ways to try something to make it better.

I am amazing!


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Why the mind can f@!k you up

Here I am in gorgeous san Diego at the wild animal park with my wonderful hubby who organized everything.
and all I can think about is...
How tired I am
The work I have to do this weekend and behind in for a few days
And how to get a team that is disengaged to get back in the game and taking initiative again

Why oh why can't I just say f@!k it all and enjoy going on a zipline tour with the wild animals!


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I'm so wasted!

yep. I'm drink as I am writing this. Just want to declare that.

I had a great day - my hubby forced me to get out of the house and stop thinking about work.

We went hiking and geocaching - which is so fun and makes walking much better!

We talked about life, what we mean to each other, the future, and the present. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

This just would not happen if I stayed at home in front of my computer and work all day.

Thanks goodness for my hubby. And for a couple glasses of red wine!

already caught up on facebook - posted lots of items - reviews on facebook - and started my company idea that I've been thinking about for 1 year - Elance work posted so better get started!