I almost made a whole meeting without talking

Oh man, me and my big mouth!
I know it can get me into trouble - I tell myself to keep quiet.
But I guess I have a passion for doing the right thing (or maybe the need to be heard!)

So I got through 2 meetings today that tend to 'trigger' me (aka get me fired up) and made through both with only talking for a few minutes.

Great job and pat on the back for that!

I didn't manage to keep quiet for the whole meeting though....I guess 1 minute of trouble is better than 60! Hee-hee

I am glad it's Friday! I get to go home, close my door and be myself for a whole 2 days. Wonderful thought!

Friday Feeling

Gosh, I sure am exhausted today as had 2 big emotional events - and neither the happy kind.

#1 Revelations with my personal coach
#2 Surviving the 4 hour aimless meeting

#1 Revelations with my personal coach
Been working on those factors that lie "under the hood" that cause me to act the way I do in some situations. Every had a major emotional responses to an individual - knowing its not rational how you feel - but not being able to act differently.
Its usually because there is an underlying reason....

So today I worked to find the underlying reason of my response to my boss - a female that is a command and control type manager that does not listen to feedback. I've been feeling REALLY bad feelings - anger, apathy, stress - that has built up over time from the fact that no feedback is listened to with my suggestions. And I no longer feel rational...I avoid her and work, I play games to get through meetings, and am so unproductive at work.

There are many things that make her a bad manager let alone a leader - but the response I'm having is not rational in proportion....and I explored the underlying reasons and found a pattern
I have with women authority figures....they typically try to be a mother figure. And because I lost my mother at age 2, there is a void that will not be filled, with a violent reaction to anything that trys to fill it. I left feeling completely RAW.

#2 Surviving the 4 hour aimless meeting
I wrote about this earlier this week, so again nothing new. Just a longer meeting at 4 hours with no agenda set. I asked at the start of the meeting and was told "we'll get there" and then it went on and on. I asked the same question again 4 more times with the same answer.
Sounds crazy, right? Like I should just walk out and not attend?
But its a meeting led by my boss - so not really having any control here...
I was not the only one lost, but there was someone that was on board with the boss so she continued on with that aimless thought that it was all ok.
And guess what, 3.5 hours later (some miracles exist for this), we walked out with nothing...surprise!

I decided to send an email with tips to make future meetings successful about agendas, goals, timekeeping, and action items. Nothing personal, just tips for an effective meeting.
And that sure got a response - a 1 page long email at 8pm on a friday night about the meeting...blah blah...expectations...blah blah...responsibility...!

I still give it a 50/50 shot that we'll get an agenda for the next meeting...

It's been a LONG Time...I'm Venting!

hmm. It's been a long time since I wrote and I definitely feel it.

What inspired me to write today....nothing more inspirational then "I need to vent"

Some people have a friend, some play tennis, I like this blog as a way to record what I thought - so when I get past it I recognize that things get better (or worse, or just change!!)

What's the vent for?

I just came out of a mindless meeting...with more of them booked for the rest of the week.

I have the wonderful pleasure of a 4 hour meeting on Friday for pretty much the same topic as today's 2 hour meeting following last weeks 2 hour meeting.

What does this suggest? It's a huge important topic? That we can't agree? That our input is hugely valuable and needs to be gathered?

Perhaps all of the above...but in general it feels to me like I'm just there to agree with the leader and say "great job" and make them feel more secure in their decisions. Because any comment or change I suggest is met with "hmmm" or "ahhh" but no change.

It just gets kind of frustrating after a few of the same meetings....

30 Days to a Positive Outlook...Day 16

Mon Jun 30th 2008.

"It’s VERY hard to like Mondays"

Hah! Laughed at the title for today because it’s just true.
I often don’t mind Mondays because you have the whole week to get things done…a fresh slate every week of which to do anything!
Today was Meeting Monday….hence the title above. Running from meeting to meeting trying to switch gears and no time to “do” anything. Just added more action items to the list….can you tell that I have the “achiever” strength!?

At the very end of the day I managed to catch up of a few things to evaluate how I’m coming along in my positive outlook journey. I am halfway after all.
- Days are 50/50 but trending upwards
- Reaching out to more people and talking…a sign I’m getting more positive
- Meetings run more effectively…better aura displayed by me
- Ticking off a few things on the list…got to satisfy that achiever fix!

So overall…moving forward.

30 Days to Turning 30...7 to go

I think I am in shock today....I had an effective meeting that lasted 6 minutes! Yep, 6 minutes instead of the scheduled 30 minutes!
We all knew why we were there, got to the point understood what we wanted and needed, and set dates to do it....done! Wow! Still in shock....as this rarely happens!

I finished the day by going to a bar and talking with colleagues...I made myself talk life and not work...a hard thing for me...but in the end I want to get to know people and not the work they do, so was more rewarding.