Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas comes but once a year...but memories last forever

It's Christmas eve and as I sit in bed surveying the world around me, I have an overwhelming feeling of sadness.

On this day, 30 years ago, my mother was living in a foreign country, with two babies, and an overwhelming case of depression. She chose on this day to pick up her purse off the nigtstand and walk out the door, leaving her babies crying in their cots.

She headed to a liqueur store and bought a bottle of vodka. Then she drove along the road and looked out for the first motel that she could find. Pulling up, parking the car, registering for one night only....she knew what she was going to do.

She walked from the check-in desk to the motel room. She breathed in the last but of her surroundings...the darkness of the night, the freshness of the cool air, the colors of the Christmas lights....and walked into the room that would become her coffin.

I wonder what the last thoughts she had were as she drank from the bottle of vodka and washed down the pills...
Did she think about the morning after? Who would find her? What would happen to those two baby girls crying for their mother's milk?

Knowing what depression makes you feel, I have to think not. That instead she only felt sadness. A pain of such heaviness that she could only feel a heavy heart, the loneliness that no-one understood her, that things could never change, that others were better off without her.

I put this story in the back of my mind most o the time, but every year at Christmas it comes back to me, especially as I grow older myself, and have felt those same feelings that she must have felt. I wanted to do the same thing she did, but I didn't.

I chose life.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Nice to get away for a vacation in the sun


snuck in a little get away in Cabo for Thanksgiving. restful and peaceful and did NO technology for 1 week. quite nice to not be checking the phones, computers, emails, etc... for a whole week.
I might just have to repeat this again.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Being recognized us important

We all need to be recognized for the value we bring. Are we a good wife? A good boss? A good employee?

A simple thank you. A nice dinner. A bunch of flowers. An email. A card.

I try and make the time to recognize those around me. Get lost from time to time - and need it to come to me as well.

In a peaceful mood... Maybe it's because I'm going on vacation!?



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Pep talk

I need a pep talk....focus on my strengths and successes

When I walk into a room, people light up and they smile
That is because of me. Who I am. What I do. For them and for the team.

I am really smart. I think fast and can digest complex situations on minutes. I can juggle 20 things at once and do them all kick ass!

I try and try no matter how hard it gets. I'm sitting here crying at what a failure I think I am - because o can't get a whole organization to just 'get it' and yet in my tears I am thinking of 5 new ways to try something to make it better.

I am amazing!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Why the mind can f@!k you up

Here I am in gorgeous san Diego at the wild animal park with my wonderful hubby who organized everything.
and all I can think about is...
How tired I am
The work I have to do this weekend and behind in for a few days
And how to get a team that is disengaged to get back in the game and taking initiative again

Why oh why can't I just say f@!k it all and enjoy going on a zipline tour with the wild animals!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, November 7, 2009

I'm so wasted!


yep. I'm drink as I am writing this. Just want to declare that.

I had a great day - my hubby forced me to get out of the house and stop thinking about work.
We went hiking and geocaching - which is so fun and makes walking much better!

We talked about life, what we mean to each other, the future, and the present. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

This just would not happen if I stayed at home in front of my computer and work all day.

Thanks goodness for my hubby. And for a couple glasses of red wine!

already caught up on facebook - posted lots of items - reviews on facebook - and started my company idea that I've been thinking about for 1 year - Elance work posted so better get started!


Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween




I just like to dress up and be silly so Halloween gives me an excuse.
As I am officially a workaholic I decorate my office. It's where I spend most of my time. My hubby came with me to decorate at 11pm at night after I finished working. I didn't want to but he was persistent and knew I would really enjoy it afterward.
Indeed I did. It caused a commotion with the talking man and blood stained sheet!!

Kid party had all the kids come to visit and take photos and then I dressed up on Friday.
I am not much of a fan of the costumes in Halloween stores anymore...why are 80% being a 'slutty' something?? Nurse. Cowgirl. Bumblebee.
all with low cut top and short skirt. Not quite what i am going to wear to meetings in the office.

So I was a chicken. I told chicken jokes all day. Every meeting started and ended with a joke. Seeing as I spend my life in meetings - that sure was alot of chicken jokes!!

Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he was not chicken

Why did the chicken skeleton not cross the road?
He didn't have enough guts

I think you get the point



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Friday, October 16, 2009

welcome to management

I got a promotion a few weeks ago. I am now a group manager for a business team where I work.
I think thought that this is really a disguise and the description should be "there is a big mess with a team and a process and we need someone to clean it up".

You Can Expect....for your first few weeks/months...

  • you will have everyone dump on you about why things are broken
  • you will find no-one wants to do anything to fix it
  • but they will still moan about how bad it is and how great it was
Glad to be of service! At least I know I'm needed


I also managed to wear myself out so much that my body gave up - along came a cold and 7 days of bedrest! Crazy!

Of course, my compute was in bed with me...and have to say that I have actually managed to achieve a lot this week. Should I stay in bed more often - avoid those meetings that are non-stop on your calendar to "meet".

Emails, IM, and the phone have been absolutely wonderful....especially IM for those "quick, can you get this, are we crazy, why are we still online at 11pm" conversations.

I did officially have my first 11pm meeting last night....not due to any changes in time zones...because we were working late. Crazy!!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

Zappos - a business model to be proud of

I was in Las Vegas this week for a conference and had to take the opportunity to visit the Zappos HQ!
So glad I saw it - everything and more that I expected!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Oktoberfest

Moved to a new area a few weeks ago and today am enjoying a Fall Harvest festival.
The unexpected delight was that everything was FREE! (well the HOAs are very expensive!)



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, September 28, 2009

What a day!

You thought lightning was fast but you did not see the team and I today!
A bit of flying by the seat of our pants as well as thinking smart and iterating fast!!



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, September 27, 2009

My Health - it's important, but...

I've been at the same company for a few years and every year they ask you to take an online assessment about our personal health....all the standard stuff that ranges from your weight, your food, exercise, alcohol and drug use, and amount of stress you have.

All honesty here - they offer a $ incentive to take the assessment - so that's why I take it. I have never done anything else with this information - because it's frankly not anything new about myself - and what can an online assessment really change in me? Now when it can virtually start taking stress and weight off me - that is a whole new aspect!

Well, at the end of the assessment it gave me my 'score' as well as showing the past few years. That was kind of interesting for me. I knew this year has taken a toll - new role, new place to live, etc...
But seeing the drop from year to year and the lowest yet was kind if interesting..hey it got me to write this, so respect goes to this survey.


What will I do next? Not sure...but awareness is one of the first major steps to change. So I'll have to noodle this and see what happens....

And if you know of a magic overnight weight loss survey - I'm interested!



Saturday, September 26, 2009

One day I'll be on a list




I'm reading the latest Inc magazine and it has the Top 30 under 30 list
Guess as I am 31 I will never be making that list!

Source Image: Inc website

But also reading Fortune magazine and saw the Top 50 most powerful women.
This sounds like a great list to aspire to be on. The youngest woman was age 37.
I have a chance...but a slim one here


Source Image: Fortune Website

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Sunday, August 30, 2009

"Moving Day" - a life story


Here is something I wrote about a childhood memory called "Moving Day"


Lacy was 9 years old. She was the stereotypical southern California girl, slim and tanned from regular outdoor sunshine, with sandy blonde hair untamed from a brush and instead combed by the wind and the dirt and the pools she swam in. Her eyes were a bright blue-green that were shining with a mixture of curiousness and adventure. But they also had a intensiveness that belied she had seen too much too young. Her demeanor was most often of restlessness from having too many unanswered questions in her life so far.

Today was Sunday, a day when adults can play with their children instead of the weekday office grind. Lacy sat on the grass in front of the suburban american home waiting for her father to arrive. She was living with Judy, a temporary home carer for Lacy and her sister Madelaine, whilst their father left to answer those life questions of his own he needed to answer. And what father wants to drag two young girls around during that period of their life?

Lacy's father had charmed a mother at her school, stating he needed some help for a few weeks whilst he had to leave on business, targeting the women who could not resist the story of a single father or the charm of the British accent he so eloquently spoke with. Lacy and her sister were usually moved in within the day of an offer.

At Judy's house, on this Sunday, Lacy sat waiting for the few precious hours to spend with her father. He arrived late in the morning, driving up in a battered old Honda and parked on the sidewalk. Lacy jumped up from the ground and sped towards the car.

"Daddy, Daddy!"

"Hello my little brown girl"

"Did you bring me anything from your trip?"

"Yes, I did. It is a special gift for you to write memories in"

And he handed Lacy a pink plastic diary. It was the best thing she had even seen, covered in little hearts and kittens, and even though she was the ultimate tomboy and pink was THE worst color, the gift was immediately treasured and held closely to her chest.

"I have something for you to write in it"

"What is that, Daddy?"

"A new address."

"Really, what is the address for?"

"For us. We are going to move and all live together again"

"Really? That's the best news ever, when do we move, will I have my own room, can I bring all my things...?"

Lacy continued to ask all the questions a 9 year old cares about bringing - she was no stranger to moving as this was the 10th place she had lived in her 9 years, and had become accustomed to seeing these moves as an adventure with new friends to be made, and not of it as a loss of everything she had today. Plus this time, she would be with her Daddy.

Later that night, Lacy sat on the bed she shared with 3 other girls at Judy's house and wrote in her pink diary "May 10th - The day we will be a family again". She had counted over 3 years since she had lived with her Daddy and was excited that she was going to be able to see him everyday. She was tired of living with strangers - they were often nice for a few weeks but would then lose their temper with her and hurt her. She thought about the past few caretakers...

Judy was fond of throwing hurtful things at Lacy like "your father doesn't love you, he abandoned you and dumped you on me".
Black Mama was fond of the leather belt. Lacy winced at remembering the pain of a leather belt smacking against her bare skin.
Reverend Jane would preach to her about the need for salvation with a look of fire in her eyes that scared her.
Maria could not speak a word of English and just spoke Spanish at her and pointed.

But all this would be gone because Lacy was going to live with her Daddy. 'He loves me and will look after me forever' she thought, doodling in the pink diary.

May 10th - "Moving Day"

Lacy's father arrived on moving day and picked her up in a magic car, a convertible light blue Volkswagen Beetle! The hood was down, and Lacy's father looked like a movie star with his hair swishing in the wind, dark shades on, and his tan face showing the hint of fine lines as he smiled. The sun seemed to smile when he smiled, not only to Lacy but to Judy as well.

"How are you Jeff?" said Judy, brightly, looking for the affection and attention of a handsome man

"Very well Judy. I wanted to thank you for looking after my girls for me."

"Oh, it's been no trouble at all. They are just soooo wonderful"

Lacy watched and thought how different Judy acted when her father was here then when he wasn't. Most days as soon as he turned the corner, she would grimace and start telling her how much of a problem she and her sister were. She had only just made her sister sleep all night in her wet bed sheets to "teach her a lesson".

"The girls are all packed up and ready to go. Again, it has been a great pleasure to have them here"

Lacy pack all her belongings into the Volkswagen Beetle, a grand total of two suitcases. She waved goodbye to Judy as they drove off, then turned back into her seat, quickly and easily forgetting the life with Judy, whilst smiling excitedly for the next chapter in her life...all whilst holding the pink plastic diary to her chest.

A weight lifted off my shoulders...


You can't always change a situation you are in straight away, but you can change how you act during the situation, and know that it can change in the future.

My work situation has not been ideal for the past few months. I'm not saying it's ever perfect - we all have bad managers, dysfunctional teams, and unappreciative organizations.

But sometimes you don't care because you are engaged and loving the work and what you are doing.
Other times you see it, and the micromanagement of everything you do every day wears you down.
As a person that thrives on energy, I have to really focus on areas of work that energize me and not take it away. But I was not in a situation that gave me much choice in the short term.

I was aware of it - and practiced many things to manage it. See prior entries of breathing or the occasionally rant.

But the decision to change it was finally made today - and I have to say it felt like an emotional release. A weight off my shoulders is such a cliche - but oh so true in this situation. I left work and felt positive and hopeful and excited.

I sat and waited for my flight at the airport for 2 hours, and have to say I was the most productive I had been in weeks. My mind felt able to focus, to think, to breathe.

It was if I was gasping for air that I had not breathed again - and I was feeling elated. I still am 3 days later, and I'm looking forward to keep feeling like this for as long as possible.

What a great feeling!


Monday, August 24, 2009

Jeff and Jar Showgram are off the air! need to find something else to wake up to. what happened? http://ping.fm/e2HlS

Friday, August 21, 2009

I almost made a whole meeting without talking

Oh man, me and my big mouth!
I know it can get me into trouble - I tell myself to keep quiet.
But I guess I have a passion for doing the right thing (or maybe the need to be heard!)

So I got through 2 meetings today that tend to 'trigger' me (aka get me fired up) and made through both with only talking for a few minutes.

Great job and pat on the back for that!

I didn't manage to keep quiet for the whole meeting though....I guess 1 minute of trouble is better than 60! Hee-hee

I am glad it's Friday! I get to go home, close my door and be myself for a whole 2 days. Wonderful thought!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Too many Cooks in the kitchen....delivering a burnt cake

I have too many cooks in the kitchen.

Well, instead let's say there are too many chefs in the kitchen.

They all want to bark orders and wear the big hat.

But none want to be the sous chef, to prep the vegetables, to saute the meat.



And I'm in the middle trying to do many of the roles left in the wings:


  • The job of the hostess - greeting and making people feel welcome to the restaurant

  • The job of the waiter - serving all the customers what they ordered

  • Sous chef - rallying the other cooks who just want to cook a great meal

  • Kitchen rat - scurrying around hiding from the various chef's cleavers

Shouldn’t we all just focus on creating a great meal?

Monday, August 17, 2009

Why can't life be Black & White?

I am the type of person that grew up believing in right and wrong, black and white, a decision that is clear to be made.


But the older I get the amount of blur between these two becomes more and more. There is always a "if" and "in this situation" and the worse one..."depends"




aaarrgh! makes me feel very frustrated that life becomes much more complicated.

  • Can you ever feel like you made the right decision?

  • Can't every discussion just be debated back and forth forever?

  • How can you ever truly make decisions that don't haunt you from the 'other' side of the decisions?
  • How do you cherish and relish the life of a kaleidoscope of images and views and not get lost in the twisted chaotic nature?

Picture Source: Creative Glass Guild

Friday, August 14, 2009

Geocaching with animals - they just won't "moo've" off the road! http://tiny.cc/OhuFa
yeah I've moved into my new home...what a great feeling with so many boxes of my stuff around

Moved into my new home!

yummy - what a great feeling to move into your own home.
having my own 4 walls, my own door, my own little world that I can close out rest of the world and just enjoy the world I create.

it gives me a chance to breathe, relax, and be anything i want to be. sometimes that is blasting the techno music and dancing around naked. sometimes that is huddling in a corner under a blanket. sometimes that is doing little jobs around the house like painting, cleaning....but i love it.

have been living in an apartment for 6 months - other people's furniture - and just a couple of suitcases of my own stuff.

having the new home and all the memories arrive in boxes - the vacation in Kos, the zebra print that we bought on a whim, the pillow top mattress that you just melt in.....aaaah I just feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder of waiting for this.

So I'm savoring that moment....yummy!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

What a Week of Stress!

I had to ask myself the question this week....was I going to go crazy!?

  • Closed my house purchase...all the final paperwork flurry
  • Bank lost $000,000's in a **NEW** Online banking feature (obviously with glitches!)
  • Work had 2 more organization changes with 2 more planned - so waiting it out as best as I can - but seeing it cause more chaos with people
  • Managing the multitudes of opinions and 'feedback' on projects I am on with upcoming deadlines - whose do I follow when they are all key people in different ways?


All this resulted in a much higher level of stress than usual.

Then I found this picture showing the body's reactions to stress - I think this just made me stress out more!?

And I spend a lot of time self-analyzing, trying to understand the pieces and decisions and actions that make all this up to understand

  • what can I do differently to not get as stressed?
  • what amount of this is me, and what is out of my control?
  • do I create this stress? how and why?
  • will I ever be able to be the person that is 'the calm in the storm'?

And of course, asking myself these questions encourages or promotes the stress!! A Catch-22 indeed!

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

F!@K Bank of America


I HATE Bank of America!

I've always hated them....I stick with them because they offer online banking, bill pay, transfers, and lots of ATMS.

Oh, and my credit rating needs to shows 'consistency' and long term accounts.

But I F&@King HATE Bank of America!


The latest F@&K up is they screwed up my Wire Transfer for my house purchase - so guess what - the house process is on serious red flag alert!

I always defer to online options because I HATE going to talk to a live bank person - they never know anything - and are just monkeys.

But after talking to 2 chat agents (very obviously not from the USA - and very laughable to watch their scripts in trying to write and paraphrase English)

And talking with over 10 agents, over 2 days, transferred 5 times, hung up on 3 times, and given 4 different phone numbers to "call"....

I might just have to try out the monkey....


Saturday, July 25, 2009

Wow! One of THE best emails I have seen from a senior leader zappos amazon http://ping.fm/1j6ui Authentic comes to mind

Techno Viking - Get on your chair and start dancing!

This is just hilarious. Hubby said "I heard there is this buzz about Techno Viking - check it out on YouTube"
I watched this and was just super confused why the buzz....funny...but really just some random man dancing in the streets (love the music!!)


I wanted to continue the search and saw there some comedian (Henry Rollins) did a remix based on this - which was hilarious and made me want to watch both videos over and over again! **Beware the language if you are surfing at work**




Friday, July 24, 2009

Girlie Weekend - What a great change of energy


I was invited on a girlie weekend by a colleague. We've grown close over the past few months as both going through life experiences that have us asking some big questions.

I was a bit nervous - would i get sick of the person? Would we end up fighting? Would it be fun or stressful?

Well, I put on a 'new hat' and just said 'go with the flow' and did not worry if we were lost (yep), late (yep), or staying 30+ miles away from our appt (yep). I just laughed and talked and had fun....and talked....and talked.

I know I am a talker and that I deal with things by talking them out - but is was sooo wonderful to be matched with a similar person. We both used the cone of silence (so no details here I'm afraid) and much came out that we both know we needed to say and just had not.

The most memorable part of the weekend was standing underneath a shower of paper butterflies...the symbol for me of transformation.

From out of the sheltered cocoon do we yield a new journey as a beautiful butterfly


Thursday, July 23, 2009

Breathe


Been trying to practice a breathing sequence to help me be 'the calm in a storm'.
The 4-2-4 sequence is:
  • breathe in though nose for 4 counts
  • hold breath for 2 counts
  • breathe out through nose for 4 counts
  • repeat
I like the breathing aspect of it - forces a regular rhythm in the body which forces you to pay attention to the rhythmic nature.
i have not yet had this apply to my mind. I'm able to count the breathing patterns out and think of the list of 'to-do's' at the same time and re-play conversations i had.
i might say this is a good ability to multi-tasks....but then as the point is to find calm it has not yet been successful.

see ya...in 1,2,3,4...

Monday, July 20, 2009

Google releases templates for documents - planning a vacation? write a newsletter? business card? http://tiny.cc/wBbHh

Friday, July 17, 2009

random thought - when is it too young to drink coffee? what about a coffee frappucino?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Getting Older is a State of Mind

I got one of those emails from a friend that just has funny pictures and phrases.
These just made me smile - resonated with my "feeling old" phase!


I laughed non-stop at the new Bruno film! It will offend everyone - know this if you go - http://ping.fm/Oz2Eu

Friday, July 10, 2009

Twitter Over Capacity!


Oh No - my life is over! Twitter has sent me a message when i logged in that it is over capacity!!!

I am joking in case you think I'm serious!

But it is interesting to watch a cultural phenomenon have issues - how will they deal with it? what will the response be from twitters? they can't twitter on the subject - or at least read others posts about it....what will they do?
twitter message "over capacity"....uh-oh
TGIF!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

oooh just saw i made $0.25 on google ads in other blog in 3 days. what a big personal moment!
corporate politics can be really tiring. especially when you are in middle of it. you essentially have to do everything 3x - boss, one side, other side

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

just went to my first yoga session....very relaxing
I was humming this to myself for my current mood "i'm going slightly mad" http://ping.fm/91Ly9

Thursday, July 2, 2009

just went to the gym with a friend for 30 minutes...feel so proud of myself!
good morning! I wonder how many people will be in the office today?

Friday, June 26, 2009

Watching the Force of Nature from a Plane

Image Source: Reuters Blog

I was traveling back on a plane at night and we had diverted our route over North Dakota. I was sitting in my seat when I noticed a light flash - I thought it was the lights on the plane's wing, but it seemed to catch my eye, so turned to look an saw this amazing force of nature occur.
I should have been scared....but somehow in this plane there was no impact felt in noise or vibrations, so I felt "safe" and just watched in awe and wonder.

We were flying at the edge of a storm cloud, it was thick and fluffly like a marshmallow but blacker than the night sky that surrounded it. It extended from the wing of the plane (yes, that close!) to the eye's horizon in the distance.

I sat and watched and saw the cloud right at the wing light up with a huge bright white light, not yellow or tinted, but a clear brilliant white. And then as the light gathered intensity it erupted out with a bolt of lightning. This continued every 10 seconds or so ad I saw in awe for 10 minutes while the plane went past this storm.

It reminded me to respect and see the beauty of nature...and to be thankful I was not underneath that storm.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Listening to 'Slash Dot Dash' by Fat Boy Slim

Thursday, June 18, 2009

A moment to treasure. Music was an energizer for me and I thought I had lost it. But a day like today made me feel ALIVE and a moment of HAPPINESS.long live dance and trance music where the beat makes you want to get up and shake ya thing!
Basshunter... in case you are wondering the qual-e-t artiste
My trance music in my car can be heard across the parking lot...LOVE IT!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Codependant Relationships

I've heard the term "codependency" banded around alot in my relationship with my husband. It always sounds like a BAD word. And sometimes it is...but sometimes it is our strength.

So I wanted to spend some time understanding what codependency means in a relationship...




Taken from "Codependant Relationships" - Psych Central Article


Co-dependency occurs when two people form a relationship with each other because neither feels that he or she can "stand alone." Neither person feels capable or self-reliant. It is as if two half parts are trying to make a whole. Both partners are seeking to become psychologically complete by binding the other partner to themselves. For example, a female partner may spend most of her attention and time assisting her lover in recovering from drug addiction. She feels a sense of purpose and may appear to be wonderfully self-sacrificing. However, she may also be avoiding her own unhappiness and personal issues -- like her fear of abandonment. Her partner may believe that he can't deal with his addiction without her. He vacillates between feeling grateful for her help and resentful for what he feels is her nagging and smothering behavior. Many co-dependent partners report feeling "let down," "taken advantage of," or "trapped" by their needy partner when they are really "trapped" by their own overwhelming neediness. The addicted partner is also using his complaints about the relationship to avoid dealing with his own neediness and addiction



In co-dependent relationships, "We need each other," which can be a healthy thing, often covers over "I need you to need me"; this can lead to "I will keep you needy because, if you ever get better, I am afraid that you will leave me." This kind of interaction is grounded in desperation and often spawns abusive and obsessive relationships grounded in neediness and control rather than love and respect.



How do we overcome co-dependency? This developmental pathway to independence and interdependence is always available to us and our loved ones. We can move from the symbiosis of "I can't live without you," to the counter-dependency of "I refuse to be co-dependent" with its baby -steps toward a separate self, to the more solid foundation of being centered in an independent self, and then to the maturity of interdependence. A first step is to recognize the problem and reach out for help. Once help is received, it is critical to stick with the process of recovery through the fears and protests of neediness from within as well as outside the self. In this process, a person needs support from others who can show them the way, challenge them when they are falling back into old ways, and cheer them on.





My thoughts after reading this....

  • It's not always a bad thing - especially when it is not an abusive relationship or based on addiction (although can personality needs be 'addictive'?)

  • If you use a relationship to avoid probing on yourself - it might be because you are not ready, not willing, or not aware

  • When you become aware - you'll need to have some help and support to move towards independence and confidence if your own self-esteem

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

A new Home!!


Good news - to me and my spirits! Our offer that we have been going back and forth with for a few weeks has now been accepted!!!!!! YEAH!

What a GREAT feeling when I think of this - a home where it will be a place to close the doors and have familiar things and family (pets included!).

Already thinking about decorating and buying pieces of furniture to complement the home......LOVE IT!!!

Such a thankful change to feel happy about something! This is great!

This is not how things need to get better

aaaarh - it's only tuesday and just dreading this week.
two days of non-stop g go go to get numbers, connect people, influence, read latest news....etc...
i'm not afraid of hard work - but am trying to find that BALANCE we all search for in our work and life. i reached a stepping point for something new....stepped away from work and now instead of a new balance - it seems to be more work than ever! crazy!!!

i keep recognizing it - so i can move forward and find the better balance....


Saturday, June 13, 2009

I'm in the self-promotion mode....check out my Geocache blog at http://ping.fm/ou0pB this week the Montauk Monster found whilst geocaching
ok - so sometimes i'm a bit slow...i did not know ho to do those fancy 'tiny urls'. But now i do! http://www.tiny.cc/

ENTJ - The Leader - Myers Briggs


So I did my Myers Briggs 'test' a while back but was showing someone else how to do it and read about their personality trait. I found this link to a good description of each profile.


So I am ENTJ - part of "the Rational" groups and characterized as "The Leader".
Here are some of the highlights from the link I wanted to share - they resonated with me...

  • ~5% of the total population
  • ENTJ need to have goals for everything. They seek power and control. They want to have an impact. Because of their desire to take charge, they are often leaders.
  • ENTJs see education as one of the major ways of getting ahead. They apply the mind-set of how that information affects their future.
  • Without variety and action boredom sets in.
  • Love needs to fit into the overall picture and may become subservient to their larger goals. The loved one preferably acting in a supportive, not competing, role. ENTJs tend to make rigorous demands of love...the other person must be willing to accept the ENTJ's directness and need for independence.
  • ENTJ's take charge of the home. When an ENTJ is present, there will be little doubt as to who is in command. Because their work is so important to them, they can become increasingly absent, especially if male.
  • When ENTJs are scorned by others, they may feel a passionate devastation and a strong sense of loss that is seldom shared with others.
  • Inefficiency is especially rejected by ENTJ's, and repetition of error causes them to become impatient. For the ENTJ, there must always be a reason for doing anything, and people's feelings usually are not sufficient reason.
  • When in charge of an organization, ENTJ's more than any other type desire (and generally have the ability) to visualize where the organization is going and seem able to communicate that vision to others.
  • They are the natural organization builders, and they cannot not lead.
  • They find themselves in command and sometimes are mystified as to how this happened.
  • ENTJ's will usually rise to positions of responsibility and enjoy being executives. They are tireless in their devotion to their jobs and can easily block out other areas of life for the sake of work.
  • They will be able to reduce inefficiency, ineffectiveness, and aimless confusion, being willing to dismiss employees who perpetuate such behaviors.
  • At midlife the ENTJ's tendency to be somewhat unaware of the feelings of others, including those close, may be an area that could be given attention. But perhaps the most important midlife task of the ENTJ is to begin to allocate time and energy to pursuits which are not work-connected and to begin to develop a larger repertoire of play skills. Putting off vacations, travel, hobbies, and family should be avoided


I'd like to save my blog entries like a diary and found this great tool
http://ping.fm/f0de4

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Giving Back and Contemplating Life

The company I work for provides each employee with a bank of hours to volunteer at local organizations with. This is a fantastic benefit and part of the reason it is a great company (well, most of the time, nothing is perfect!)


Today I went to the San Diego Habitat for Humanity service with a group of colleagues and we all worked on a housing project. It was amazing to learn the story of the homes being built, be part of building them, and we even met 2 of the future residents.
They have to put in 250 hours of sweat equity into their home!

My job today was to paint the exterior stucco trim. I've done a good amount of painting before (my hubby's uncle was a painter...). It took a LONG time to paint because of the texture - that stuff really soaks up paint and does not forgive ANY mistakes!

During the day I got to talk with others and enjoyed the variety of conversations and getting to know other people and their stories. One person was out of work and volunteering between interviews, one person had their whole family move to San Diego at the age of 16 and what a story that was!

Another discussion was about the whole decision and life change of having a child. Do I, didn't I? What changes for the better, and for the not so better? How do I balance work and career and how will my thinking change after a baby? Do you feel "ready" to have a baby or do you just kinda go with the flow and get the shock of a lifetime? It is ok to not have kids? How will people view me? As a non-loving person? How do I know how to choose which path is right for me and the hubby?

Image Source: Cute Baby Blog


I am thankful for a day to contemplate such life questions - as well as help others make a step forward in their life.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Taking out the trash...and a return to normalcy


When the fog lifts from around you, it is a gradual event and not something that happens instantly. At the same time, you don't often notice that the fog was shifting slowly until you see the sun and decide to take out the trash.

Taking out the trash....it seems like such a little thing. But I have not done that for 6 months. To not only DO the action but also THINK that it needs to be done....it feels so normal, so casual, so everyday life. Just thinking about it makes my heart race and want me to jump up and down for joy.

A return to normalcy ... a peaceful thought indeed.



Image is of Jessica Biel (not me, bit love the pink robe!)
Source imaged from Hollywood Actress Blog Spot

Friday, June 5, 2009

Can it really be 1 year later?

Oh man, it's my birthday....and I really don't know what to feel about it.
I'm pretty sure that turning 30 was like an Early Mid Life Crisis for me....and now it's 1 year later.

Do I have all the answers? No
Do I feel wiser? No
Do I feel older? Yes
Do I feel Happy? hmmm, jury is out
Do I feel Peace? No

I'm seeing a theme here so let me write some things that were great about being older and having a birthday....


Drinking a Mimosa as a breakfast morning treat - wonderful!  

Opening a fantastic present of jewelery from my darling husband - wow!

Dancing around naked to Happy Birthday sung by cats (yes, cats meowing are an instant laughter point)


Being taken out to dinner and having a great steak...mmmm
...we still agree Craft Steak in Las Vegas was The Best Steak.....but Ruth Chris last night was in the top contenders!






Going to sleep in the arms of someone that loves me unconditionally


Maybe this birthday was pretty good after all...







Photo Sources: Mimosa, Jewelry, SteakSleep

what a lovely thought - Ing Direct sent me a birthday greeting and a discount on the "QuickFinish Shredder" http://ping.fm/ep7XU

Thursday, June 4, 2009

loving Alltop - the Beta "online magazine rack" - no more RSS feeds (which i never really got) http://alltop.com/

Monday, June 1, 2009

how did Susan Boyle NOT win BGT after all that Hype? I still Love Simon http://talent.itv.com/
Wow! Just had a great example of service. Went to drop off my shoes to be re-heeled and they opened store early for me and did the job straight away. Wow!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Oh man the red gas light on the car just beeped. I'm in freak out space until it's filled up.
Day 2 of the house hunting fun begins!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Off on the house hunting trail again. A day sitting in the real estate car!

Places I've Been - TripAdvisor Travel Map


saw this feature on trip advisor about mapping places that I've been to and was it was fun to map places around the world. also shows those big gaps in places for where i can go in the future!






Friday, May 29, 2009

is there is a smart / easy way to change my address with all my banks,subscriptions etc...?

Thursday, May 28, 2009

looking for 1 good day

Have you ever had thst 1 day where things just seem to go right and you feel great and you go to bed with a smile on your face?

I wonder how often those days occur? I suppose you notice it when you have not had one for a while.and soon you start to apply bigger meaning to the thought of just 1 day going by where things went right and you went to sleep with that smile.

Yesterday was one of those days for me - almost. Woke up and just felt "it" and just seemed to be propelled forward all day to the right place and right time.felt achievement and hope that the 1 good day was going to happen. Alas at the moment of sleep one of those couple things happen where I thought A and he thought B and it felt like the whole day got pulled into a vortex with only that last interaction remaining.
Unfair and cruel to all - making it 1 step harder to get to that 1 good day.
One day that 1 day will happen.
First time at a walk in lab clinic to have blood drawn. Weird business model to just walk in for something as important as personal health?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

what's in a dream?

I had a crazy dream when I was on a mini vacation...different surroundings I guess.but this dream was so vivid and seemed to suggest a path forward...a new career? A new way of thinking? Maybe too much cheese at dinner? (I had the 5 cheese pasta at olive garden - yummy!)

-The Dream-
I returned to work after vacation to find there was a major event that day - the 50th anniversary of Disney and they had hired our campus and had David Beckham as the guest speaker.
There was auxio with invites and turned out no one turned up. I was the handler for Beckham as I knew who he was and wanted his autograph.
But when I met him he turned out to not be very nice and did not respond well to my chatty questions and comments about his life.
Well I ended up ignoring him and playing with some kids. I made them a cheese sarnie whe all hell broke loose with Beckham.
I called him sooily and that he probably did not manage his money very well especially as his football career would not last forever...
Somehow this earned GPA respect and he requested I give him finance advice bevaude I knew the US and UK markets through the CFA and Actuary qualifications I have.

And hence a career as a financial advisor to the famous and keep-rich clientele was born.

A new career? Feel free to call me Posh & Becks!

what's in a dream?

I had a crazy dream when I was on a mini vacation...different surroundings I guess.but this dream was so vivid and seemed to suggest a path forward...a new career? A new way of thinking? Maybe too much cheese at dinner? (I had the 5 cheese pasta at olive garden - yummy!)

-The Dream-
I returned to work after vacation to find there was a major event that day - the 50th anniversary of Disney and they had hired our campus and had David Beckham as the guest speaker.
There was auxio with invites and turned out no one turned up. I was the handler for Beckham as I knew who he was and wanted his autograph.
But when I met him he turned out to not be very nice and did not respond well to my chatty questions and comments about his life.
Well I ended up ignoring him and playing with some kids. I made them a cheese sarnie whe all hell broke loose with Beckham.
I called him sooily and that he probably did not manage his money very well especially as his football career would not last forever...
Somehow this earned GPA respect and he requested I give him finance advice bevaude I knew the US and UK markets through the CFA and Actuary qualifications I have.

And hence a career as a financial advisor to the famous and keep-rich clientele was born.

A new career? Feel free to call me Posh & Becks!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Been reading about Semiotic Engineering-designing emotions in software.wow!

troubled times - troubled mind

To say that life has been hard the past few months is an understatement.
Been going through one of those phases in life where you questio what its all about and what the goal really is...
Once you start asking its hard to stop and there are not really easy answers to this.

Yesterday I found a great book called "Quiet Minds" which are 1 minute short writings about enjoying the moment of Being and not the neverending Doing.

Found it clicked with me especially the 1st piece with the phrase...

"the thing about winning a rat race is that you are still a rat."

LOL on this one. Do you really want to be a rat? In a lab experiment?

Instead I think I shall be on a "dog walk" where I can wag my tail and meet people and get a nice stroke here and there...

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Trying Something New

Been having a bit of a moment in life lately - trying to understand what defines happiness in my life - and doing it!

Can't say I've solved it - those big life questions just don't have easy answers.

But I have been pushing myself to try new things - things I might have balked at before.

So a friend asked if I wanted to go on a motorbike ride with him - and all I've ever heard is the dangers of riding - but know my friend will be gentel with me.

And off we went for a bike ride - was definitely scary and exciting - and worth doing - but not sure I'm a converted biker yet...but I do look good on a bike!
Posted by Picasa

Friday, May 22, 2009

off to palm springs for a mini-getaway and just uploaded my geocache along a route file from google earth - love it!

Friday, May 15, 2009

shock horror! someone stole my diet pepsi from the fridge. it even had my name on it? should i expect a ransom note?
just booked in for a haircut in 2 weeks...excited to change up the hair again. blonde for summer?
I'm a Hulu fan and success has come to them. Hulu recorded 373.3 million video streams in April 2009, up from 63.2 million in April 2008. http://ping.fm/X5UbO

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Testing out the mobile app feature for ping.fm

Monday, February 16, 2009

Believe it or Not - A Mouse was Living in My Car!



Crazy but true! I was away last week and left my car in the garage. I came back and saw a pile of cat biscuits underneath the hood...banged the car hood and a pile of mouse droppings came out!

Of course, was then screaming like a girl (note: I am a girl) to get the hubby to help me out. No way did I want to come face to face with a mouse!

The project of getting the car out of the garage, searching the car, cleaning out the biscuits inside the car was done with no mouse materializing.

So what did I do? I drove the hubby's car to work!

I was searching for a photo to add to the post and scarily found that this has happened to someone else. Way too scary! The photo is courtesy of this blog entry too.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Light Relief for Cube Workers

I'm a cube worker. Lately I've been working at home more and so when I come back to the cube it feels a little more pronounced than usual. Found this funny Cubicle Life cartoon series a while back and makes me smile.

And some days we just need to smile. So here is #17 in the series

Cubicle Cartoon #17:"Cubicle Induced Stress Got You Down?"

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Housing Rates at 4%



I heard on the news and then read this Reuters article that there is a push to include a stimulus package for homeowners that would creat a 4% mortgage rate for qualified lender.


As someone living in one of the most expensive places to live and in the process of moving for work (so having to both sell and buy) - I would LOVE something like this to help out.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

A week in San Diego


Just got back from a week in San Diego. Started as a week to accompany the husband and search the local area for where we might want to live etc...

Ended with having 8 interviews, eating out for San Diego restaurant week, and NO geocaching! So relaxing at home instead for the weekend!

Used Open Table to book the places to eat - so get some points, and then can rate online afterwards too. Managin my life online - does it make it easier or more onerous...will have to think on that one. Ate at BlueFire Grill - the short ribs were yummy! And also At at Twenty/20 Grill where the Spicy Tempura Rock Shrimp dish was a surprise how well balanced and flavorful it was. Yummy again!

Also started to use the Delicious website for bookmarking my fave sites. Have been doing it on my computer, but after replacing a computer and now starting to work from different computers - see I need a central source for links. I liek the multiple tagging feature allowing searching...

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Helpful Tips for Interviews

I went on a full day interview this week (so fingers crossed!) and thought these 2 links were really helpful to prepare

1. Interview Questions including example Behavioural Questions ( a more common technique used in interviews now)

2. Questions to ask in an interview (because thinking ahead is easier for me than on the spot!)

Good Luck anyone interviewing in this market - share some success stories to keep us all smiling!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Spooks are not always spooky


I do like to watch a bit of TV and since getting the Blockbuster movie service, like to watch tv series...much better to watch than drag on week after week on the networks.

I blogged about Law & Order: SVU a while back (read here)....now I'm watching MI-5. It's a series by the BBC and in the UK it is called "Spooks".

only on series 2, so don't give any spoilers away...when searching for a photo, did see that the cast in later series looks different, so I might have spoiled myself!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Twitter or not to Twitter?

Got into Twitter and still waiting to see if this will be just a fun tool or a must-have for information...

Since finding the Twitter Search site - much easier for me to find and follow other Twitterers with similar interests / locations / etc... instead of following lots of random stuff....although do just enjoy watching what the random world is thinking...

here are some of my latest Tweets...

Saturday, January 10, 2009

A Wicked Tag Cloud!

Juicing up the features on the blog and found this sweet tag cloud builder for Blogger blogs.
You can see it on the side here.

If you want it, go here (it's FREE!)




Friday, January 9, 2009

A New Year...A New Beginning


I resisted writing this entry until after the first week in January had passed....I always write that big long list of Resolutions and have to wait to see what will stick!

Gym: I will go to the gym more, but not until Feb 1st. My resolution is to actually NOT go at all in January - those crowds just kill me!

Community: I've reached a phase in life where it is time ot give back more, so am adding to my resolutions this year.

Embrace the Unknown: There is alot of change coming in my life with moving to a new area with all the changes in living and working. It can feel very overwhelming sometimes, but would rather embrace it then run away from it. So Bring It On!
And I think I'm starting another "30 Day Adventure"..."30 Days to Moving!"